What are the habits of loneliness?
At Klaatch we spend a lot of time listening to what older adults and those who support them say and how they describe the world around them. We often hear trained social workers or experienced caregivers describe someone as difficult or unpleasant in ways that make it clear to us that loneliness is a factor in their behavior. These behaviors show up consistently across gender, race, and geography. We started to call these behaviors “The Habits of Loneliness” because they were so common and so consistent and as it turned out, well documented in the research.
Loneliness behaviors are in our biology
John Cacioppo from the University of Chicago, coined what he called the Evolutionary Theory of Loneliness. Professor Cacioppo and his colleagues demonstrated that our response to loneliness was biological and consistent with evolution—we developed the habits of loneliness because they kept us alive. However, the paradox in the modern world is that these self-centered/self-protective habits can shorten our life by up to 15 years.
The habits of loneliness
So, what are the behaviors of someone who is lonely and what do they look like in today’s modern world? A non-exhaustive list would include:
Verbal outpouring
Surly or grumpy affect
Constantly speaking about yourself
Dominating a conversation with no empathy for the other people
A distrust about the motivations and actions of others
Defeated body language
Almost always rejecting an invitation to participate
Holding a person’s hand or arm for a prolonged length of time
Regularly claiming to prefer one’s own company over that of others
Lack of confidence
Keeping busy with solitary activity (i.e., the TV on all day)
Causes of loneliness
Lonely behaviors are often triggered by a loss, either of close connection or a loss of identify from life events such as retirement or a physical impairment. This loss can cause a decrease in confidence in the lonely person and a loss of trust in others. In other words, it makes a lonely person suspicious of unfamiliar ideas, new experiences outside of their norm and of course, new people. Researchers have used brain scans to show that the brains of lonely people react as if they are threatened when they view images of human faces!
Remember, loneliness is a normal and healthy signal. How we respond to the lonely person’s signal can have a big impact on whether they become chronically lonely or are restored to community. In well-connected older adult communities, we see less loneliness because it is easy to come back into the community.
Reach out to learn more
If you are interested in learning how you can adapt your programs and initiatives to make them more connective, schedule a call. If you have programs or initiatives that are effective, we want to hear about them.
Adam Greene, Klaatch CEO and Founder
Adam has 20+ years of experience as an entrepreneur, senior executive in public and private companies and investment banking with expertise in corporate finance, M&A, management, team building and corporate strategy. It was the conversation with his father’s healthcare coordinator about the role that loneliness seemed to be playing in his father’s deteriorating health that was Adam’s tipping point for founding Klaatch.
